Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"Two fer One" Battle Report.

Yet another battle report from memory (sorry, no pictures...and yes, I need to take notes), but this time it’s a 2 for 1. The first was a makeup game for last week’s 1000 point Warhammer 40k league at the LGS. My army was the same for both games:

Chaplain Slappy von Counterstrike with his jumpack, powerfist and crozius.
Tactical Squads #2 +#3, 6 man Razorback teams, SGT’s have combi-meltas, one Razor has twin-assault cannons, the other is the las/plas turret.
Assault #7 with 6 men, SGT has Powerfist, one guy with plasma pistol
Brother Scout SGT Slacker and a 5 man sniper team.
Two Dreadnaughts:  Revered Brother (RB)Gatling the Indestructible (assault cannon and fist)
And.. Revered Brother(RB) Amos the Blind (Twin-linked Autocannon + Missile Launcher)

The first battle was against the insidious Hive Mind, in the form of Broodnest, my painting padawan. His 1000 points of nastiness came in the form of a Trygon (named Mr. Cuddles) a hoard of hormagaunts,  a broodlord with attendant genestealers, 3 Zoanthropes,3 HiveGuard and a tyranid prime. The scenario involved 5 objectives and the approach of dawn, so night fighting on the first turn until a random dice roll brought up the sun.  I was the defender of the weird industrial complex/moonscape table… and as usual, failed to seize the initiative. In fact, that dice roll pretty much set the mood of my dice rolling for the rest of the day.

Luckily the night fighting only lasted 1 turn. He advanced across the table from his corner, I shot…or rather tried to shoot what I could see, which wasn’t much, even failing my ability to use a searchlight, which must have had a faulty switch. We’ll have to get the techmarines on that. Not much happened, I held my ground and missed the few targets I could see. The only thing he could shoot was his hive guard which fired upon RB-Gatling, chipping his paint and adding to his otherwise miserable demeanor, by “shaking” him.

I was set up in a defensive semi-circle around my table quarter’s objective. The two Razorback teams on either side of the objective, scouts slightly behind, but with a clear field of fire into the center and a Dread on each wing, with Chappy von Counterstrike and team, behind a craggy terrain piece there to jump in and save the day. I’d thought about infiltrating the scout-sniper team, but all of those hormagaunts in the rear of his formation convinced SGT Slacker to take his boys to an easier/safer location. Broodnest’s swarm advanced at pace, his Hive Guard concentrated on RB-Gatling and “stunned” him, while the zoanthropes immobilized #2 Razorback. I poured fire into the trygon and managed to cause 1 wound, with practically the whole army firing on it.  I realized at this point that my dice were cursed because I had decided to dedicate the Chaos army I want to build (based on the Grey Knight Codex… yes, its heresy, but I will not recant!) to Nurgle, so Tzeentch decided to f*** with my dice.  Change we can believe in, indeed.

I have honestly never seen as many “1’s” and “2’s” in a game. Broodnest was actually feeling bad for me, but the “Boys in Drab” held the line. RB-Gatling was engaged in close combat with the Broodlord and company, something we both thought was bound to be quick and ugly. It was still going on at game’s end. RB-Gatling has yet to be destroyed in a game. He gets the heck kicked out of him, loses arms,etc.etc…. but  just won’t die.  

RB-Amos, on the other hand, managed to nothing significant the whole game, except absorb a lot of fire from the Zoanthropes on his flank and was finally killed.  Missing all 4 shots with twin-linked autocannons is becoming his trademark. Must be that ‘go-funny” eye he has.

Meanwhile, the snipers did not take their SGT’s lead and actually managed to wound the Trygon. The twin Assault cannons on Razor#3 wounded a Zoanthrope. Mr. Cuddles was getting WAY too close for comfort so it was time to launch my sneaky somewhat obvious counter strike with Assault #7 and Chappy.  They did more damage shooting at the monster than they did on the eventual close combat. Of course…. the plasma pistol guy’s gun overheated. Shocking, huh. I was hoping to kill the critter, if not tie it up for a couple turns to keep it off my objective holding troop units, one of which was afoot by this point. It….sort of….worked.  I managed to whittle the Trygon down another  wound, but lost the entirety of Assault #7.
RB-Gatling was valiantly holding the genestealers in place and off of Tac#2, so Brother Chaplain Slappy von Counterstrike did what he does best….died valiantly defiantly with an annoyed tail slap from the Trygon.  I put the beast down the next turn with a melta blast to the face from SGT#2. And that was pretty much the game.  Somewhere in the rush to feed, the hormagaunts had strayed from their objective, so I ended up pulling off a technical win.

There was a short break, in which I decided I needed chicken wings for the first time in 4-5 months. I went to Kur’s Winghouse. Don’t get me wrong, I like scantily clad women as much as the next geek, but I felt like I was at a strip club.  Luckily, the girls were qualified to wear their costumes (a couple were overqualified) but what turned me off was the patrons.  I know they are used to being gawked at, but c’mon man… have a little class, show a little respect, the only thing missing were cat calls….and dollars in various sorts of clothing. Oh my, those outfits they make those girls wear. Woof. The wings were excellent, the service was a little slow because I hit it on a shift change. And apparently, the ladies are required to have at least C-cups to work after 4pm. Just an, giggity.

Game 2 was against a young man with an Eldar army (I’m terrible with names, but he was very nice and a lot of fun to play with- I REALLY need to take notes….. and pictures)  Chicken wings and hot chicks did not improve my dice rolling.  The scenario had objectives which deep struck onto the table during turn 2 and 3 and a final one that would deepstrike on the center in turn 4. My opponent’s army was : A farseer, two squads of 5-6 pathfinders, a wraithlord, a squad of Striking scorpions with powerfist Exarch (6, maybe7) a  Fire Prism and a Falcon.  We drew a cityscape with 6 wrecked buildings and various piles of rubble. I know I’m going to butcher this one a bit because it took a LONG time.  It was supposed to be a random game length…and it lasted the whole 7 turns.  We kept playing (because, honestly…… we forgot it was supposed to end on 7) until turn 9. “It’ll end if you don’t roll a ‘6’”….I rolled a 6. The last two turns didn’t change the outcome of the game, so we just had a good laugh that we had played them…because the dice told us to….. or was it Tzeentch?

Assault #7 and the chaplain took up residence in the center building, scouts to the right, Razorbacks in the street on either side the center building. Dreadnaughts were forced in on reserve but were timely and came in on Turn 2. RB-Gatling must have led Amos to the battlefield, because he just couldn’t hit anything.  He had one good turn of shooting, in which he “persuaded” the pathfinders to leave their building with his autocannons, and they almost fled off the table- which would have possibly ended the game in a draw. Almost. They managed to rally and sneak back onto their objective. Both of his objectives deep struck into the buildings, so it worked out well for him.

SGT Slacker did a great job….. not hitting a *** damned thing….. until the Farseer, who had taken 2 wounds at the rifles of his initiates, decided the null-zone between his ears needed to be gotten rid of and killed him with Mind War. The farseer spent the game ‘buffing’ the Wraithlord, who could hit most everything but was batting 500 killing anything. He finally managed to wreck RB-Amos after the two traded fire for 3 turns (Turns 5-7) The Falcon trashed the las/plas Razor on turn 2, putting Tac#2 afoot but on the objective. They ended up taking 4 turns of fire from snipers the Falcon, the Fire prism and finally the Wraithlord before they died.  Those 6 marines held out for nearly the whole game.  The falcon dropped off its Striking Scorpions to deal with them, but the Wraithlord killed the last marine.  The 3 remaining scouts charged toward the objective, but came up a little short. Still well within the charge range of the Scorpions.  What followed was NOT pretty. So now, both of the troops I had near that objective were dead.

Having not died his valiant defiant death yet, Brother Chaplin von Counterstrike led the lounging Assault#7 into the Striking Scorpions. It was a spectacular slaughter. Leaving the Exarch running away, with SGT#7 and von Counterstrike left standing.  They went back into the building (because , frankly….I didn’t want to go hand to hand with an untouched Wraithlord) and went after the Falcon which had moved to try and shoot the hell out of Tac#3 contest the one objective I still held.

On the far left of the line, RB-Gatling had taken up residence in the corner of a building. He dueled with the pathfinders across the street and weathered several attempts by the fire prism to make his day miserable. He continued to earn his moniker, by shrugging off everything. Razor#3 lost its assault cannons then was immobilized, but remained a nice LOS obstruction for TAC#3 who ran to the back corner of the building to sit on the objective.  When the Falcon came over managed to inflict one casualty, when the SGT blew off the starcannon with his melta shot (and people question why I spend those 10 points). Then the comedy of errors ensued as RB-Gatling and 2 powerfist wielding guys couldn’t manage to damage the skimmer. Ugh! And that was where it ended. He held 2 objectives, I had none. But, what a fun game… lots of laughs….usually at inappropriately horrible dice rolls or crazy situations. If 40k ”fluff” was based on the games I seem to be playing, it would likely be quite funny.  I can’t wait to use some of this stuff in comics. That’s all for now.

Cheers, ya’ll!


  1. Your astral self must have borrowed your luck and stayed at the wing place (maybe as his "wing-man") to get lucky with the ladies while you went to roll dice back at the shop.

    Take some pictures next time! I like to see how yo ur stuff looks on the table.

  2. There were definitely some worth looking at. And the wings were excellent. The place I used to go for wings changed their sauce and it sucks now. Problem is, the wife won't go to the Winghouse, because of the atmosphere. I'll just have to take my yardwork/painting buddy, Broodnest... it'll be fun to watch a 19 year old's reactions. But my luck with the dice was pretty consistant all sucked. However, everytime I made a roll for moving through cover I got a 5 or 6, my scatter dice was very cooperative and in close combat I hit more than I missed....I just couldn't wound. I still had alot of fun. I always do, even when I lose and I was fortunate to have really good opponents.

    I rushed out of the house (because I overslept) so I forgot the camera. The only problem I have with taking pictures is the wife...its her camera, its expensive,etc.. so I'm going to try and talk her into coming along next week and grabbing some pictures. The Dreads should be done by then, so the whole army will be painted. I may try to do some retrofitted magnets for RB Amos, since his missile launcher arm fell off a couple times. I'm also toying with either wrapping his eye slots with a blindfold or converting some dark glasses for him. My blue dice will be staying home next week.

    But overall, the most fun day I've had in a long time, plus the winghouse girls were icing on the cake.. its too bad some of the patrons in there were such morons, though...that turned me off a bit.